a jumble of things.

A lot has happened today. I wouldn’t know where to begin.

Just one thought I’ll share, someone once said to me there’s too much pressure to keep in touch, to stay connected, with everyone we meet. I guess some would call it “making appearances”. I understand that now, we all do it to some extent. And I’m kind of fed up, so much energy goes into unnecessary things. 

I currently have a decision to make, it’s rather important, and could have a bigger impact on my future. Who knows. What I do know, is that there are a few people who I feel I can talk to about it. 

And the more I think about it, relationships can’t be the same with everyone. There’re only a handful where it’s free, effortless. And if it’s not effortless, as long as you don’t get hurt, it’s all okay.

Just let it be.

Yesterday, I saw both ends of a rainbow.

But there was no pot of gold at the end of it.

OH WHAT LIES WE HAVE BEEN FED FROM SUCH YOUNG AGES.

Sometimes I see people and I worry that they are feeling sad. So I say a silent prayer for them. I don’t know who they are, but I hope they’re happy. I try not to think about it too much though, it can be quite painful.

1yearofjesus said: Heeey! Just wanted to say your "God is love" post was incredibly beautiful! Every blessing to you. =)

Helloooo :) Thank you my love. And to you x

In need of a jogging buddy. Anyone interested?

Planners No More!

From around the age of 11 I’ve had an academic planner every single year. When I started secondary school I was so scared I was going to forget things, I wrote everything down. I couldn’t live without my planner, it was the secret behind my success. My ability to manage everything I wanted to do, was all because of this little book which helped me along the way. Of course, I fell into the vicious cycle of writing “to do” lists and never actually doing anything. But I soon got out of that. I loved using my planner.

However, when my degree was drawing to a close, I felt as though the use of my planner also came to a natural end. So the beginning of this academic year has been the first time I’ve gone without one. 

It’s been a bit of a struggle if I’m honest! I don’t want to keep striving to move forwards, and I want to be content with everything I have. (Desirelessness is a pain.) But neither can I wake up every morning with little clue about how I will spend my day. I don’t like wasting time. I like doing things. So I have a rough idea of things to do throughout the day.

But then I feel like I’m cheating. I feel like this notebook I have, where I jot random stuff down, is a reflection of the fact that I’m not content with just living in the present moment and going with the flow. That I just keep wanting to do more.

Though it’s not like I’m in a position where I can be comfortable and “settled”.

What does “settled” even mean? Surely no one is ever truly “settled”?

Anyway, deep down I think I’m fine to go on without my planner. I’m old enough to remember the important things. And I guess noting down random stuff is OK too. I think I much prefer having a general idea how to spend my day, without any real timetable. It’s a nice balance between order and chaos. I guess that’ll do, for now.

"God is love."

Yesterday on the bus I sat next to a lady called Velda. It’s a Scandinavian name, so she told me. Our conversation began with general small talk.

We talked about travelling, and she was keen to tell me she had been to Pakistan. I told her I have never been myself! Curiosity arose and then began the questions about my background.

I’m a Sikh! She found out, and then began to tell me her own story.

She first pulled out a leaflet, and told me she was a born again Christian.

Oh dear, I thought. I wasn’t looking forward to the rest of this. Past experiences have often involved me being told that I’m on the wrong path!

However, what Velda told me was quite different.

Some time ago, she was 25 years old and very angry. Angry that her marriage had fallen apart. Angry that she lost a baby in childbirth. Angry at God for all those things. She was of a Christian background, and knew the “basics”, but her faith meant very little to her then.

For some reason, she decided to go to church on the day her baby would have turned one years old. Upon entering, she was blessed with the vision of Jesus Christ, and all she felt was love… 

The next day she was confused, and still felt bitter. After work she picked up a Bible, an old wedding gift from her friend, which she had never opened before. Velda opened the Bible at a random page and read, 1 John 4:8 “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.”

The day after Velda did the same thing, opening up the Bible at a random page she read, Matthew 18:3 “And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.”

That is when she understood she was to follow the path shown to her, and that one day she would meet her little girl who was awaiting her in heaven. She understood the reason why her baby had left, she said if it had not happened she would not have found God.

Though we come from different backgrounds, I felt like there wasn’t much difference between our ways of thinking. I saw that Velda was living her Truth. Something I struggle to do daily. There is a reason why I met her, you can learn so much from different people.

It’s all down to Guru Sahib I guess.

Godspeed Velda.

Babaji and Biji were married for many, many years. It’s difficult to know how long exactly, things were different in those days. Indian passports can be a nuisance! No one really knows the exact year Biji was born.
There was a couple of years difference between the pair, who married in their late teens/early twenties. It was a traditional arranged marriage, they never spoke or saw each other before the wedding. Quite different from what happens nowadays…
Before they married Babaji and Biji both received Amrit at Anandpur Sahib (though not together).
I can tell you that without Biji, our family would be completely lost. It was Biji who instilled Sikhi in our lives, and although my family aren’t completely religious, what she did is invaluable. 
Biji raised my father, who has some knowledge of Sikhi, and felt it important to send me to Gurmat Camps when I was younger. I really appreciate that now, and only wish I had delved further onto this path from the very beginning.
When Babaji found out Biji passed away, I had never seen him so sad in my life. 3 years on, I feel he misses her. Sometimes this makes me sad, he must feel lonely. I’m scared I’ll feel like that one day, but then I’m hopeful that I could ever spend that much of my life with someone else.
Biji had so much knowledge, I still wish I could talk to her about stuff. But I’m grateful for the time we had, for her knitted sweaters, for her plaiting my hair, and especially for teaching me Jap Jee Sahib <3

Babaji and Biji were married for many, many years. It’s difficult to know how long exactly, things were different in those days. Indian passports can be a nuisance! No one really knows the exact year Biji was born.

There was a couple of years difference between the pair, who married in their late teens/early twenties. It was a traditional arranged marriage, they never spoke or saw each other before the wedding. Quite different from what happens nowadays…

Before they married Babaji and Biji both received Amrit at Anandpur Sahib (though not together).

I can tell you that without Biji, our family would be completely lost. It was Biji who instilled Sikhi in our lives, and although my family aren’t completely religious, what she did is invaluable. 

Biji raised my father, who has some knowledge of Sikhi, and felt it important to send me to Gurmat Camps when I was younger. I really appreciate that now, and only wish I had delved further onto this path from the very beginning.

When Babaji found out Biji passed away, I had never seen him so sad in my life. 3 years on, I feel he misses her. Sometimes this makes me sad, he must feel lonely. I’m scared I’ll feel like that one day, but then I’m hopeful that I could ever spend that much of my life with someone else.

Biji had so much knowledge, I still wish I could talk to her about stuff. But I’m grateful for the time we had, for her knitted sweaters, for her plaiting my hair, and especially for teaching me Jap Jee Sahib <3

[o-raj-inal picture]
So one morning I was getting ready, and I noticed this little thing on my window. Ok, so it looks pretty big, but I can assure you it was tiny! And it just stayed there, chilling for a while. I thought something might be wrong with it, and didn&#8217;t know whether I could intervene someway. But then I just left the wee Soul to it. 
The tiniest things can be so fascinating.

[o-raj-inal picture]

So one morning I was getting ready, and I noticed this little thing on my window. Ok, so it looks pretty big, but I can assure you it was tiny! And it just stayed there, chilling for a while. I thought something might be wrong with it, and didn’t know whether I could intervene someway. But then I just left the wee Soul to it. 

The tiniest things can be so fascinating.

RUNNING

As much as I don’t like running there’s something I have come to love about it.

When I start running everything is fine. Then halfway through pain hits me hard.

But this pain is something I liketo experience. It’s real and raw and grounding.

My mind often floats around, but running keeps me on track. I become aware of all my thoughts, conscious of my being, my existence.

And have never felt so alive.

[o-raj-inal pictures]

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING WHAT I DID THIS SUMMER.

I graduated. Went to India. Attended BOSS, as always.

And worked in between :)

To sum up what I was trying to say yesterday, you need both.

To sum up what I was trying to say yesterday, you need both.

"You can do what you want when you’re married."

A phrase I hear often.

Growing up I haven’t really been restricted from doing many things. Generally speaking, British Asian parents are a lot stricter about what their daughters can and cannot do, compared to their sons. But that wasn’t the case with me, there are hardly any boys in our family, and education is of the utmost importance! So when my older cousins went to universities far away, and did pretty much anything to “broaden their experiences”, so could I.

You could say I’ve been lucky, maybe I am. But this isn’t something I think I should feel lucky about, because everyone should be able to do what they want, to some degree. I’m struggling to word what I’m thinking here.

However, despite being raised to strive to experience different things, and make the most of my opportunities, there are plenty of times when I get told, “You can do what you want when you’re married.”

I can imagine others hear this more frequently than I do.

It is absolutely not the case I can do what I want when I’m married. First of all, because I will have more responsibilities, which isn’t a bad thing. But they cannot be avoided. Secondly, because it is very rare for a woman to get married into another British Asian family and then do whatever she likes. There are the in-laws, and then there is the husband. And you just don’t know how that’s going to turn out. My mum got told the phrase ALL the time, and when she finally got married it certainly wasn’t the case she could do what she wanted. In fact, she had to do what she was told for so long, sometimes I’m not sure if she knows what she really wants.

You could say it’s different, and that times have changed. But right now, I still see young British Asian girls being restricted in so many ways. Maybe there are others who feel the same, but I can only speak from my own experiences.

I’m at a point in life now where I can either do exactly what is wanted and expected of me, and thus become a mindless automaton. Or I can go with the flow and do what makes me happy for now, but there will be consequences.

I think I’ll go with the latter option.

My Good Friend Baba Atman Singh Jee <3

image

[o-raj-inal pic]

It was about a year ago when I met My Good Friend. I went to the Gurdwara in the late afternoon, and Babaji was giving parshad.

There aren’t many people at the Gurdwara during the weekday, and it makes me very sad. The amount of Sikhs living in our area, but none of them have the time. I may not have time when I’m working one day, but I’d rather not think of that yet. You gotta give it to the Elders though, there wouldn’t be a Gurdwara without them, they are the backbone. I often feel we’ve let them down, I wonder if they feel the same. I hope one day we can show them that their sacrifices have not gone to waste.

Anyhoo, I sat down in Darbar Sahib, and there was no one else there but the two of us. Babaji came right up to me and spoke to me. The first thing he said was, “Are you happy? You must never leave the Gurdwara sad, you should always leave happy”. After this came many things he shared, random anecdotes, life lessons, and so on.

I left the Gurdwara feeling extremely happy, and for many days afterwards I would see him regularly. But then came a time for me to leave when I was to go to university, and so I let him know. I saw him sometimes when I came home in the holidays, but not very often. Since I’ve moved back home I’ve managed to see him every now and then, I told him of my graduation, and India, and I’ve invited him round to chat with my Babaji and have a look at my India pictures, hopefully he’ll come round one day.

I remember when I found out my classification for my degree. I was so relieved but at the same time felt kind of weird. I went to the Gurdwara that day and happened to see him, with a few words he turned my whole day around, without even knowing it. Guru Sahib knew though, and that’s why it happened. Once again I left the Gurdwara feeling particularly happy.

It’s not often you make friends with someone like Babaji. He has a lot of wisdom and kindness to share, and for that I am grateful.

Much love to My Good Friend!

DOCTOR WHO IS BACK AND I THOUGHT IT’S ABOUT TIME I COME BACK TOO.

image

“It’s hard to talk about the importance of an imaginary hero. But heroes ARE important: Heroes tell us something about ourselves. History tells us who we used to be, documentaries tell us who we are now; but heroes tell us who we WANT to be. And a lot of our heroes depress me. But when they made this particular hero, they didn’t give him a gun—they gave him a screwdriver to fix things. They didn’t give him a tank or a warship or an x-wing fighter—they gave him a box from which you can call for help. And they didn’t give him a superpower or pointy ears or a heat-ray—they gave him an extra HEART. They gave him two hearts! And that’s an extraordinary thing. There will never come a time when we don’t need a hero like the Doctor.” 

― Steven Moffat

The above pretty much sums up why I love the Doctor so much. That and his love for the Human Race, which restores my faith in humanity, and always makes me hopeful that things will be ok again, despite what we hear on the news.